Out of Denial

I'm stepping out of the denial that I'm not grieving. Part of that stepping out is to publicly say in blog form to the world wide web that I HAVE LOST THREE BABIES AND I'M GRIEVING!
I've struggled with depression most of my life and this is not it. You will probably hear me say that more than once. I don't know why I would equate grief with depression because they are not the same. They can exist together but they are not the same thing. Realizing this has been a little shocking to me.
I don't know what this journey is supposed to look like or where it's supposed to go. Same for this blog thing. I've dabbled in blogging before but it was always just something to do and served no real purpose. This one is supposed to have a purpose. I am no writer. I am not writing this for anyone in particular except myself so some (most) will probably be incoherent stream of conscious babble. It will probably be messy. If someone receives encouragement though from the words here then that's a cherry on top and I thank God for it.
As I suffered through my depression as a teenager I asked God to use the experience to be able to help other people that are hurting and to not let my pain be in vain. Now, I'm hoping the same thing. I'm hoping that my babies short little lives and the agony of their loss in my life not be in vain but be used as a blessing and hope.